Saturday, July 18, 2009


There's no doubt I love my boy like crazy. I love him when he stinks to high heaven. I love him when he shows off his sprinkler skills and urinates on me and/or himself. I love him when he is sleeping. I love him when we take walks in the morning when it is crisp outside.

What I love about my love for my son is that it puts the sloppy, stupid, worldly definition of love to shame. The spirit of our culture generally defines love as sex and tolerance. It paints love to be a thing that acts in view of what it will receive for its action. But the unconditionality of much of the love I have for Little Mr James puts this selfish nonsense to shame.

I also understand Jesus a little more when he said,
I tell you the truth, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven. Therefore, whoever humbles himself like this child is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven.
In this text, I do not think our Lord is necessarily getting at simplicity, immaturity, neediness, or innocence. What he is getting at is dependence. James is totally and completely dependent on Sara and me for cleanliness, food, safety, care, and so much more. He is still not even a month old. I can only imagine how this list will grow in the future. Let's put it this way: you are never fully conscious of the breadth and depth of your dependence. This is a good thing.

Sometimes there will be no poop or pee in the diaper, he will have just fed, he will have just burped and farted, but he will still not be calm. He still wants to show us the back of his throat and see how big of a red-faced scream he can give us. His cool, little, vibrating chair will not fix it. Talking in high pitch psuedo-baby speak won't do. Changing the ol' diaper for good measure doesn't cut it. However, it is quite often fixed by just holding him near and taking a walk. There is something about the nearness of the dependent that seems to bring peace. David understood this.
My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever... The nearness of God is my good; I have made the Lord God my refuge that I may tell of all Your works.